How To Say No To Family – Episode 607

This transcript was auto-generated and may contain errors.

[00:01] Welcome to the Prosperity Podcast. Prosperity thinkers, welcome to the podcast. Kim, I’m thrilled, I’m excited because we’ve got some pretty cool topics today. The first one is a two letter word that parents say to little kids and sometimes we as adults have a trouble saying to others which is no and how to say no to family about finances. So it’s a big Twitter thread, we’re gonna read through it. What’s your gut reaction when you hear that topic? Well, I have a quick story to share about Robbie when he was little, I’m thinking two, three, four years old and he was one of those kids that wanted to get his hands on everything and I really didn’t wanna keep saying no. You know, as a parent you have to say no so much.

[00:56] Surely there’s got to be a better way and it popped into my head to say, not Robbie’s. And so when he would go for a thing that I didn’t want him to touch, I would say not Robbie’s and then hand him something that was Robbie’s. And it was a great transformation in our household because there were other times that we had to say no for a whole variety of reasons but at least as it related to touching things or especially if he was in somebody else’s house, not Robbie’s. So it’s interesting because as it relates to money, it’s kind of the same thing. You know, we’re now, thankfully my adult children are rock stars in the monetary space but I’m hearing from clients all the time that they’re dealing with adult children

[01:40] that were not raised well around the monetary space and it’s because the parents didn’t have anything with which to do that. I mean, I get it. There is just, you know, we’ve got a generation of people call it, you know, 40 to 60 that literally, unless you’ve picked it up on your own somewhere or somehow, do not have good education around money. So how are our children who are now call it, you know, 15 to 30 supposed are, and you know, so adult children, how are they supposed to have any knowledge around money? And not only do we have an awesome solution around that I can’t wait to hear but I wanna hear a little bit more about what the community on X or Twitter was saying because as it relates to adult children

[02:28] or even especially maybe even harder, the teenager space, holy cow, saying no about money things is tough. Yeah, it’s really tough. There’s the ability to communicate and navigate the situation. There’s the guilt with it. There’s the pride with it. You’ve got all of these components. So let’s unpack it. So the author of this thread, his name is Randy Gage. He is as far as X goes, I don’t know him. So a successful business person and he’s sharing information there. I only say it that way just because I don’t know and we live in a world where anyone can write anything at any time. So bucket one of his list are the people that are professional victims. Those are the people that creep into our life

[03:24] that could be family, non-family. Is that a category that you’ve seen? And I’m gonna just confirm if you’ve seen those pieces, not seen these pieces and then we’ll do the wrap up. So is that one that you’ve seen? Super grateful to say I don’t see it very often but I do see it and I know exactly what you’re talking about and I normally see it out in the public with not somebody that I know but oh my gosh, you can hear it in their language. You can see it in their reactions. It’s a very sad state for a human being to live in. Yeah. So the first line that he says underneath this and I love that this is really good. He goes, no amount of money will fix their situation. Yep. And he goes, being unhappy makes them happy.

[04:11] Oh boy, that is good. So for the podcast that we’re doing Prosperity Thinkers, we’re probably not going to have professional victim listeners in here. They’re gonna be like, okay, I’ve seen that. I’ve heard that, but you guys aren’t that. So we’ll go into number two, which can happen, the manipulators. So these are the ones that come with endless emergencies. Have you seen that? Yes and it is so amazing to realize that some adults just live their lives that way and oh my gosh, I think of so many solutions. I’m a really like problem solution. Let’s go, here’s a solution or that solution doesn’t work, here’s another solution. And so whether it’s getting up a little bit earlier or saying no to spending money on 14 different things

[05:07] so that you can have money when emergencies come or whatever the other solution is, get another job, get a different job, teach your children about money so that they can go out in the community and earn their own way, which is something that we teach inside the prosperity parents arena, which can start at such young ages. Yes, I know it’s hard for children to get jobs in a formal sense, but they can absolutely provide value out in the community. I mean, there’s a million ways to solve the emergency mode. It just takes a little bit of habit changing. It’s not a discipline issue. We’re all 100% disciplined to our current set of habits. So change some habits, little ones, right? Yeah, well said.

[05:58] We are committed to the results that we’re getting right now. So the solution that you often share on the podcast to solve the emergency is, and fill in the blank, what is it? An emergency opportunity fund, which is so important. It is absolutely the first thing that anybody of any age of any financial situation will want to have because as we’ve said so many times, cashflow issues do not go away. They just get bigger zeros on them. And so I love the space of the emergency slash opportunity fund because very quickly you wanna get emergency solved and really turn your attention to opportunities so that your thinking is about opportunities. You don’t wanna be constantly thinking about emergencies.

[06:48] So define for your family. And this cracks me up. I ask people all the time, what’s your emergency fund number? People don’t know. Like, I’ll have to think about that. Well, in our family, it’s been 100 grand for a long time. Oprah Winfrey’s is 7 million. I’m sure when I was young it was 10 grand, but that number for whatever reason is a dividing line for us that enables sleep at night. Now, frankly, it wouldn’t go very far, but nevertheless, let your family choose an emergency number and each adult in their own situation may have a different number, that’s fine. You combine them, average them, whatever, but get the emergency fund solved so that you can go on to build the opportunity fund, in which case we have to ask the question,

[07:32] well, how high is up, right? Like how big do you want that opportunity fund to be while forever and endless? And of course, we know that the best place to store emergency opportunity funds is the whole life insurance arena, but sometimes that’s too big of a step for people. So fine, store your emergency fund in a credit union or a bank or put it under the mattress, but have one. Yeah, so good. I’m gonna read a couple of excerpts of his language so that people will know it throws up the bat signal. So if the manipulators come in, they’ll be like, oh, it works like this. They’ll say things like, you have so much. This is meaningless to you. Or they’ll say this. If you were a good Christian or Buddhist or Jew,

[08:18] you would do this. And the last one, you’ll be responsible for what happens to me. Wah, wah, wah, right? I mean, that’s just how I feel with all of those. Holy cow. I wouldn’t have even thought, I wouldn’t even thought of like those. Like that just doesn’t register, but it’s nice to understand how some people may think, I guess. And speak, good heavens. Yeah, okay. Bucket number three, the genuinely struggling people. So these are the people that just, they possess the faculties to do it. The ability to do it is just things went wrong. So that, have you seen that happen? Absolutely, and my heart goes out to them. I mean, our family has dealt with that. Your family has dealt with that. There is a struggle in life,

[09:11] at least every now and then, in most situations. And again, especially because, as we know, cash flow issues don’t go away. They just get bigger zeros on them. So your struggle might be food on the table. Somebody else’s struggle might be, how do I get liquidity out of this deal? Because there are definitely people thinking back to the comments that are made. It cracks me up. Somebody will say, oh, well, you have a big house, so you should have extra money. Those two things don’t equate. And so it’s so important that we realize that and help those that we want to. I have a client that does not give to charity, but literally keeps small bills in his person, you know, in his pocket or whatever,

[09:57] so that when he’s out and about and he sees a situation where five or $10 can help, he gives that away. And it’s not a tax deduction because it’s not trackable, but that’s what’s important to him. That’s cool. So choose what’s important to you around this space, maybe even have a limit on it and then be willing to help or not. Either way is okay. Just make a decision about it. Yeah, I love it. There’s a book, which is one of my favorite books. It’s by an author named Bruce Wilkinson. And he talks about that in his book and he calls it his God Pocket. So he has some money, carries it around, and he’s like, and the cool thing is he goes, when he’s approaching someone, he says, my friend wanted me to give you this money

[10:45] because he goes, it’s not mine. I just happened to have it. I’m using it for them. I thought it was pretty cool. I love it. I think I know Bruce. I think he was in my strategic coach group like 25 years ago. There you go, see? Full circle there. And it’s actually, that goes in perfect because the advice that the author in this X-post is making is this, which is when you find someone that is in a struggling situation, you give as you feel moved to without expecting recognition or repayment. You just do it. Love it. I love it. And you’ve mentioned on the podcast before when you wanted to see, and correct me if I’m wrong, movement of money and more prosperity. You said, hey, I’m going to give to these charities.

[11:42] And it wasn’t the amount of money. It was the action of it. Go into that for just a second as we wrap up this episode. Absolutely. Well, because move is one of our principles of prosperity and we know that money is alive and doing well and doing good when it is moving, yet there are times when it’s not. And so if we are feeling stuck, I think that literal act of getting money to move at some level, at some even small amount, again, small is all relative, can help things out. It can shift your brain. It can actually literally help because of course, there was a donation made. There was a charity that benefited from it. But the good that I got out of that, and it’s not like I could point to any one specific

[12:27] thing, although I know sometimes people can. I did this and I got that. And it’s not about the getting, right? It’s about forward progress, which is what move implies. And yes, sometimes it’s two steps forward and one step back, or three steps back. But nevertheless, forward again. And so whenever I’m struggling, I think about that principle and the action that develops movement, starts the movement, continues the movement. Those are all good things. And it can absolutely be done in baby steps. Yes, and I agree. So baby steps, I’m gonna go full circle of our conversation. So here’s what I’m gonna take from what you were saying at the beginning. If I see someone going through this, a child, a friend, a family member,

[13:18] and they’re feeling entitled, or they’re not operating at the best, I’m gonna say, not Robbie’s, then I’ll just use their name. So not fill in the blank. And if I ever get that way, not Spencer’s, and that’s okay, and then I’ll get over it. I love it. Done really good. I have to tell Robbie, hey, you were mentioned again on the podcast. Very helpful, Kim. And for all of our listeners, I think one of the big points was that emergency opportunity fund solves so many problems. If you have that taken care of, kudos to you, continue to grow the opportunity. If you don’t, send an email to helloatprosperitythinkers.com. There’s an automated easy way to do it. There’s a hard way to do it. There’s probably something in the middle.

[14:11] I like easy and automated myself. So that’s how I operate. And then I’ll put a link to this post from X inside of the show notes. Thanks, Kim. Fabulous. Thank you for listening to the Prosperity Podcast. To take control of your money and have it work for you, visit ProsperityThinkers.com.