How Strong Families Build Lasting Legacies – Episode 669

This transcript was auto-generated and may contain errors.

[00:01] Welcome to the Prosperity Podcast. Prosperity thinkers, welcome to the podcast. We’re going to be talking about how great families grow and protect their legacy through family meetings. The family meetings piece. Okay. I’m going to be totally honest, right? Before we hit record, I nerded out and I’m like, am I excited for this one? And Kim was like smiling and just what I love about it is that I have a growing family. I have my oldest is 19. My youngest is a teenager and so Kim has known me for years and years. She’s been around our family and seen the different evolutions and the wisdom and impact that you have had on our family is I can’t even put words to it. And so I thank you a ton and the family meeting piece is a core component.

[01:06] So purpose of this conversation is to transfer some wisdom, some knowledge, some stories to you as listeners right now. So Kim, let’s take it away. Awesome. Well, I have been so grateful for running family meetings and being involved with Even though when I was growing up, we didn’t call them that literally my entire life. So in our family, we had teachers, my parents were both teachers. So even the concept of a meeting wasn’t really part of our verbiage. Nevertheless, every Saturday morning we were sports playing family. So the week was pretty crazy. We had cows to milk morning and night, but every Saturday morning after the chores we would come and sit at breakfast for one or two hours, sometimes even more and sit

[01:58] and talk through our family meeting agenda. And my parents didn’t use the word agenda. They didn’t have anything written yet. It was very purposeful. They were there to listen. They were there to guide as well. And it was so, so valuable for me growing up. Of course, I didn’t realize that growing up, but once I got a little bit older and I was married before children, I realized how important it was to have just a family meeting with a husband and a wife, to get clear on priorities, to get clear on the week behind and anything that needed to get finished up, to get clear on the week ahead and anything that we needed to be prepared for, et cetera. Preparation, that word is so interesting and it can take the form of so many things.

[02:51] It can be physically prepared, mentally prepared, spiritually prepared, relationship oriented in its preparation. All of those things that are important to us take preparation. And so then as my life progressed and the kids got really to where they were able to talk, we instituted this weekly family meeting thing. And by now as a business person, so the term meeting was normal. And it was something that we did again, typically on the weekends in an effort to clear out the week prior and look forward to the week ahead because it eliminated such drama. It enabled us to realize, oh my gosh, on this Tuesday night we have a conflict and let’s figure it out now. Or things like somebody in our family really needs some help with something.

[03:49] So we need to go all in on supporting that family member this week. Or a financial discussion that needs to be had. Or a homework project that’s gonna take out of the ordinary amount of time. Or a sports event like a tournament or something like that’s going to be different than the norm, etc, etc, etc. And in so many cases, really the bulk of the family meeting as the kids got older was just the parents listening and listening. But also then enabling them to during the week guide on the things that needed the guidance. So like as a mom, I would pay very close attention to what was being said at the family meeting and then try to use points throughout the week to reinforce the issues that I felt needed to be reinforced or disciplined or what have you, elevated.

[04:48] And that was so much more effective than a family meeting that turns into a parenting and discipline session. I mean, nobody wants to attend that. Now, let’s be very clear. There were times we always had refrigerator sheets, right? That had a variety of different things on them. There were times when my kids were either completely silent at a family meeting, like I don’t know if they were tired, mad, whatever, completely silent. And so, okay, you have to just deal with that, roll with it, go on, and the adults can have the conversation and the kids will get there when they get there, mentally and verbally, right? There were other times when I remember my son taking the refrigerator sheet, balling it into a crumpled mess and saying, I hate that thing, and throwing it away

[05:34] in my presence. Maybe that was better than not in my presence, I don’t know. But I mean, I want people to know that it’s not like our family meetings went smoothly all the time, and it’s not like they were always successful, but the consistency was there. And they would occasionally get messed, of course. But it was there, and it was reliable, and it was instrumental in our family being on the same page, having the things that mattered the most be forefront, having the why behind things be clear. I remember a time when my daughter decided she didn’t want to eat meat, and I just had to get clear on why I was willing, not thrilled, but willing to support her efforts. But I needed to know that she had a really good why, and I don’t remember

[06:29] now what it was, but she did for a time period, and it too passed, like so many things do. And so all of those are elements of that family meeting, and I just encourage people to start them. Like, don’t even have an agenda. Just start them. Sit at the table. The phones can be there because they’re helpful in today’s world, right? We need to look up the calendar or whatever it is, but obviously they need to be left alone for the time being that we’re having the discussions unless something needs to get checked. And listen and speak. You know, come prepared to share. Come prepared to give first and in that space and make it be non-judgmental. So you kind of set the atmosphere and you demonstrate it, but then you

[07:21] may need to also verbalize it. It just will be transformative. I’m so grateful that it’s been meaningful to your family and that you brought it up, and I’m trusting that you maybe have some more questions about it. I do, actually. The wisdom you just shared, one, you set the expectations, and I think we want to be clear with listeners that don’t expect it to be perfect. You’re not going to say, hey, we’re going to have this and this one shot, and now it’s perfect and we never have to do this again. You can come in with outcomes that you may want, but those are broad stroke outcomes. Maybe the outcome is like, hey, there’s a challenge, a problem, a project that we want to get clarity on. But I did have a follow up question for you, which is this.

[08:06] So I can picture little Kim and little Tammy around the kitchen table. But there was one other thing you’ve said on our podcasts before, and I want to see if there’s some correlation, and it’s this for all of you listeners. No, Kim grew up on a farm, a dairy farm. They were blessed to have amazing ice cream every single day. So did you also have little just conversations, little snippets as you’re eating ice cream on the daily? Yes, that’s an interesting question. So ice cream was a daily thing in our family. And yes, we’re talking homemade ice cream with whole milk and real cream and mostly vanilla with fruit on top. Because in Oregon, you have endless types and kinds of fruit. So berries, you name it, peaches, all the fruit.

[09:04] Or in the winter time, we would put, we call it a rocky road. We would put nuts because my family ate nuts for a long time. I was, that was like our health food. We didn’t know that it was a health food, but so like filberts and walnuts and almonds and that kind of thing. So, I mean, we’re talking six courts a week for a family of four that are not large people. It was an amazing amount of ice cream. And so every night at whatever nine or 10, probably nine o’clock, we would have ice cream. I don’t think we ate it right after dinner. Maybe we did, but we were very homework oriented family. My parents always had stuff to do at night and Tammy and I sat around and did homework. And then when that was largely done, we got to eat ice cream.

[09:41] So I am guessing that yes, during ice cream eating, there also was a chance for conversation and my parents really practiced the art of being present. We had a TV in our home. It was only on, on Sunday nights. There was very little radio played. They would occasionally play music. My dad liked to listen to weather reports. So those would be on in the morning for a little bit, but you know, I walk into family’s homes today and the TV is on constantly. How can anybody be present with those that are in the room with them, their family members, if the TV is on constantly or the radio, or even just regular music. I mean, there’s nothing wrong with listening to music, of course. But this idea that we quote needed in the background.

[10:29] I’m sure there’s times when it’s very appropriate, but it’s just something to be conscious of and purposeful about. And I’ll have to ask my dad if he remembers what some of the conversations were that we had during ice cream time. Yeah. Well, we mentioned ice cream time. And the reason why I say that is because if a family hasn’t been having the family meetings, then you zoom back and you say, are you guys even gathering together or are you strangers and you guys were not strangers and you had your family meetings. The other question I had, and maybe your dad has shared with you, but what was the preparation or the conversation that the parents had before the family meeting and they say, Hey, we’ve got to have a discussion

[11:16] about bringing on another cow or running seasons coming up or this. What did that, did you ever get a glimpse of what the parents were talking about? It’s a great question. And I can’t answer it for my own parents, but I can for myself and my husband as we were raising children. And a lot of times there was not a lot of thought ahead of time. The thought actually occurred during the meeting with the kids present. And sometimes that meant that, yeah, we need to talk about that. Let’s do that later. But there was so much treating and my parents did this of me and Tammy. And we did it of our children. Treating those children as adults, treating them at a minimum as if they were two or three years older than they were, and as soon as they were in

[12:14] like junior high, and it’s different for every child, of course, but literally treating them as if they were adults, like having them be a part of all the discussions, including the tough ones. Now, you know, clearly that didn’t mean everything in our lives. And as noted, there were times when like, Hey, let’s table this for later. But what I recall is that they, those tough subjects came up during the family meetings. That shows trust of a family that shows consistency. That shows that maybe it gets resolved. Maybe it doesn’t, but at least everyone is aware and everyone is there for each other. That is what the family members are looking for. Our listeners, cause we’ve looked at the comments on social.

[13:08] We’ve seen the conversations that people are having and they’re asking the community and ultimately what it is they’re saying, we want a prosperous family and life. And if it’s just prosperous in the bank account, then it means nothing. And if it’s prosperous with just, you know, the family meeting and that ecosystem, but the family doesn’t have anything extra to be able to serve and help, then it doesn’t go beyond those walls. So the lessons that you shared, the one of Robbie taking the paper, crumpling it up and throwing it. I love that because that is another expectation of saying they might not agree with everything. Going full circle, you were just with Robbie and a grandchild, meaning you still have the relationship and you have to go through bumpy

[14:05] things to create depth. So it was really cool. Thank you. Such a joy to share. Thank you for listening to the Prosperity Podcast. To take control of your money and have it work for you, visit ProsperityThinkers.com.