Preventing Entitlement – Episode 385

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[00:01] Welcome to this episode. We’re gonna be talking about entitlement and how we can prevent it. So if you’re a parent or you are in a relationship that could cause you to be passing wealth, you need to listen to this episode. Is that right, Kim? Absolutely. And this is such a fun thing to work on because it’s really super easy to flip the switch on in my mind. Now, I would love to hear from our listeners the challenges that they have around this space. And maybe we’ll do some work on it. But to me, I’ll tell a story about flipping the switch. There are lots of kids, of course, that go to college. And as we all know, college is paid for one way or another. There’s loans, there’s kid money, there’s parent money, there’s grandparent money, there’s

[00:58] scholarships, there’s grants. College is paid for. And my daughter, when she was heading off to school, said, It’s really cool. They have a gym that is free for us to use. And because I have been very conscious of this issue of paid for versus free, earned versus deserved. I said to her, Oh, Kaylee, that’s awesome. But let’s be clear. It’s not free. It’s included. Yes. And so helping kids in particular, but even ourselves, I mean, I catch myself doing it the same. Oh, that’s free. No, it’s not. It’s either earned, or it’s included, or it’s, you know, to be combined with something else, which is basically what included means. And entitlement is such a thought of our country right now. It’s such a

[02:07] thought of many children, but also many adults. And it’s a lot because us parents, we think that we don’t want our children going through some of the struggles that we went through. And there’s some certain truth to that. And yet, it’s struggles that build people and struggles that help them learn and grow and stretch and overcome and feel the awesomeness when they do overcome. And so entitlement is, to me, easy to flip the switch on, because first of all, it’s pretty obvious when it’s occurring. And so it’s just easy. Sometimes it’s just a shift in language. Sometimes it’s a shift in our actions and what we’re doing and how we’re being that can then help whoever it is that we’re dealing with, shift their own game to a higher level

[03:09] by just acknowledging that I haven’t earned this. It’s not my right. It’s something that I’m working towards or working for or trading something for. Very well, Pat. Why do you think that it occurs like this entitlement piece, even though, let’s say first generation had to work so hard for it. And we mentioned we want it better for second generation. Why is it that we create this trap? I think partially because we want them to have the better life. And then secondly, a lot of it is is not done on purpose. I mean, it’s done out of love. And sometimes just sort of blindness. I remember talking with a parent recently, he’s like, Well, I still pay my 32 year old daughter’s rent. And I was befuddled. And I said, Why? He said, I don’t know. It’s

[04:06] just habit. And I’ve never stopped. And so that’s one of those gulp moments where, and he didn’t need me to say it, he knew it wasn’t good. But oh, my gosh, now what is he gonna do? I remember when I saw the entitlement trap, and I made a declaration to myself that I would never do it to my kids. It was, it was such a visceral experience that shocked me. And and I knew that there’s no way I could do that, even though I want the best for my kids, I really want them to earn it. Because I saw the wrong side of the entitlement. That’s the reason. So it’s a quick story. Is it okay if I share that? Of course, please. I’m not going to use a person’s name, because I want to protect their identity. I was about 30 years old when this happened. And he grew

[04:58] up in a family that was wealthy. His dad sold a company for a substantial amount of money, close to half a billion dollars. So it was a good amount of money. What happened was that it was a life of luxury. And I remember going over to his dad’s house, because he said, Hey, we’re gonna have a fun afternoon. My dad has all the exotic cars. Let’s take them out. So we pull in. And in the garage was at least $10 million worth of vehicles. And so we got the keys to one of the Ferraris and took it out. And it was a lot of fun. And then I got to know the story and what happened to all of the children. And every single one of them kind of drifted in life, you know, his brothers happened to be on, you know, substance abuse.

[05:53] You know, all of them happened to be in some type of disarray or the other. And none of them had to work. And the sad thing is none of them felt like they had potential because everything was just given. And at that moment, I just I vowed to myself, like, I could never do this to my kids, it’d be a total disservice. And so that’s seen it the opposite way. However, I think most people where they see it, is they say, I had it so bad. I want to make something better for my kids. I mean, you grew up on a farm. It wasn’t easy. Correct. And I know that the lessons learned on that farm were some of the most valuable and literally just naturally taught lessons. I was so badly that every child could have a summer on the farm or two or three or 10 as an

[06:45] experience because there’s just so much natural teaching that goes on there. And it’s interesting, we are coming out with a new book. So our close audience might be familiar with this, because about a year and a half ago, we put out a draft of what we’re calling perpetual wealth. And the perpetual wealth book directly addresses and this will be available early December, I’m hoping mid December, something like that, on Kindle. And then we’ll have the hardback sometime in January, it directly addresses this issue. Because in our research for the book, and kudos to Kate Phillips, who helped me with it, we saw over and over and over and over the way that wealthy families helped their children past entitlement was to make sure that they

[07:38] inherited more than the money. Because if all they inherited was the money, if they inherited no investment skills, no habits of self control, no ability to say no, no desire to grow the family’s net worth and continue to serve. I mean, the list just goes on and on and on. If all they inherit is the money, then, as you just pointed out, it’s a recipe for disaster. And so I’m so excited for perpetual wealth to get out there in its final form. And thank you to all of our listening community that helped us with proofreading it and, you know, making comments, etc, etc. We have an improved book that is now going to come out. And it tells a story of a family that’s a huge compilation of people that we know it’s not

[08:35] any actual, literal truth to the story. And yet all the pieces and parts are true of this. And it’s actually three generations, this family going through the work. And it is work of helping the second generation prepare and inherit wealth. And we’re not talking millions. You know, we’re talking like a single or maybe double like one or two or three million, not 10 million or more. So it’s completely relevant. And you know what is so cool is it doesn’t matter if your family will inherit no money at all. There are amazing things that are not monetary capital, they’re human capital that they are inheriting. But only if you have some forethought capability and work put into it. In other words, what are we doing when we share

[09:30] stories? What are we doing to make sure that our values are being expressed and listening to the second, third generations values as well? Of course, it needs to be a two way street. And yet there are so many people that say, oh, you know, I don’t have any money. I’m not going to give my family much or you know, they’re going to get a couple hundred thousand. That’s it. Oh my gosh, that’s a gift in and of itself. And what else are they inheriting? What else can you help them inherit? Those are the lessons learned all aspects of human capital. And we go through lists and lists and ideas and stories and guidelines and suggestions inside the perpetual wealth book to help people actually make sure that that inheritance

[10:13] happens, not the money part, but the human capital part. Love that. When you said the human capital part, immediately he runs of Andy Griffith show started like playing through my head. And, and I started to think about that and how old men would shake hands and say my word, you know, this is my bond. And the little kid there would look and say, I want to be like that. Yes, thank you for elaborating on it. Because I was like, Andy Griffith, which part? What are you talking about? It’s those it’s those traditions like we can we can pass money. But, you know, if we’re not passing character values, what substance does it have a legacy? What perpetualness does it have? Right? Isn’t that an awesome word? Yeah, I love that.

[11:03] perpetual. I like it, too. Yeah. So listeners, one thing that’d be really helpful for you as someone that’s, you know, invested time in this podcast is to think what are you doing for the next generation? And just by taking the time to listen to this podcast, and invest in yourself, those around you know, because you get done, and you probably talk about these subjects, and, and it’s impacting their lives. Now, if you want to continue to do that, one thing that would help is to increase those around you who are going to benefit from this message. So if you liked this episode, or the other ones, go on your phone and click the share button, maybe send it to a friend, could be a family member, maybe a brother

[11:51] or sister, father, mother, that you think this might apply. Maybe it’s a subtle way of giving them on the prosperity train. Does that sound like a good call to action today, Kim? It does. Thank you for sharing that. And I’m going to add one too. And that is write a letter to your children and your grandchildren, if you’re of the age to have them where they can read, write a letter and it doesn’t need to be long or thorough, just start writing and it of course can be on email. But that is such a great way to start to impart the lessons that you want in perpetuity. We’ll make sure to put that in the show notes. And thank you for investing your time with us today on the podcast. Thank you for listening to the Prosperity podcast.

[12:41] To take control of your money and have it work for you, visit us at partnersforprosperity.com. If you liked this episode, make sure you subscribe and leave a review.