5 Books Kim Gives to New Couples – Episode 400

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[00:02] Hello, partners, and welcome to the podcast. This is a special episode because we’re going to go inside of Kim’s world and understand the gifts, the presence that she gives to new couples when they get married. This is so fascinating, Kim. Well, thank you. It’s especially fun because in our family, this year we have two, possibly three weddings that are occurring, many of them elopement style, which yes, you can hear me cheering from the rooftops because it’s evidence that these children, some of which are my direct kids, some of them more nieces and nephews type kids, still all kids, are doing such an awesome job with their finances that they’ve realized that spending a lot of money for a one day event called a wedding is not in accordance with their values systems.

[00:57] And I make no judgment for those that choose to do that differently. However, I am just personally kind of celebrating that they’ve chosen to do that. And you know, I’ve had some people say, oh my gosh, doesn’t the mom in you just like die for that special wedding day? And my answer is no, not really. You know, that’s not what’s important to me. So again, no judgment and please no judgment back. Right. That’s a two way street. Absolutely. But it’s interesting how others see it that way. But you’re looking at it almost from their perspective. And it’s strange because you’re seeing their future prosperity and the choices they make, which I think is a signal that you did a pretty good job. Well, thank you.

[01:47] It is definitely a source of very humble pride that all of the kids are doing what they are doing with their lives and how they’re leading them and their finances, without a doubt. You know, my sister, Tammy Brandon, who’s so awesome with her blueprint process, told me the other day, you know, not every decision should be made around money. And I get that. And I even agree with that. And I can’t help it. It’s just the way my mind goes. So, you know, something about helping people with their finances for literally over 30 years and helping myself with finances since literally fourth grade because of all the work that I did with the milking cows, which most of our listeners have heard that story.

[02:30] I won the money when I was a kid. I had to have my head around money or it just would not have been used as the resource that it is. Yeah. So, so very good. So this topic about presence is interesting because you’re not supplying a ever ending supply of, you know, we’ll call it what are the big present gifts, dishes, what are the other things that blenders, silverware. Yes, and yeah, you’re doing something that’s actually going to impact their life in one of those gifts is something that will impact them in the future. So let’s dive in and find this. Well, I was so grateful to have come upon the idea of giving the couple two of five books. So not two of the five, all five times two. And I’ll explain the books as we progress here.

[03:31] But the reason that I wanted them each to have their own book, a physical book, sometimes hard copy, sometimes soft cover doesn’t really matter. But I wanted them to be able to read it at their own pace, to take notes in it, to get mad at it, to rip it apart, to enjoy it, love it, treasure it. So I came up with a box that’s just a nice gift box, but it’s quasi permanent if they want it to be. Doesn’t matter. They can do whatever they want with the box. But I put a little letter in it that Todd and I sign that explains each of the five books and why I think they are so incredibly valuable for a couple. And, you know, frankly, whether they’re getting married or not isn’t really the issue. And I’ve I’ve given it to them as soon as I’ve become aware

[04:19] that in some cases, like in Kaylee’s case, technically engaged other parts of the family, you know, not so much. But there’s clear evidence that they are working towards being a long term couple. And I’ve gone through a divorce. I know how difficult that is. I don’t want the children to deal with that if possible. And part of the ways to avoid that is to make a very, very strong marriage. And so these five books are, in my opinion, the foundation for that strong marriage. You set the stage perfectly. And it’s amazing that you you gave two books and you said one thing in here that actually caught me. You said, get mad at the book. And so what you did is you added tension to the conversation. So I’m sure listeners are saying, OK, Kim, what are they?

[05:10] So the five books. And then I always forget there’s a game, too. So the five books are. And of course, we’ll have links in the show notes. And I even took a picture of all of the books. So I don’t know how you want to make use of that asset, Spencer, in terms of show notes, I’ll let you decide. But the five books are drum roll, please the. And they’re in no particular order. Five love languages. So we’ve we’ve talked about five love languages on podcasts before. I think they are the five love languages of which you choose one or two are just some of the most impactful aspects of us being human in a relationship, whether it’s a marriage or not. You know, so many of these books will expand their impact well beyond just the marriage.

[06:00] In fact, super, super helpful in relating with your kids as well. But the five love languages, one of the books, the second book, again, in no particular order, is Striving Zones by Kathy Colby. So her name is spelled K, O, L, B as in boy, E, Kathy Colby. And she has a variety of books out there. But Striving Zones is the most current and the most helpful book around the Colby profile, which is a business tool. And yet I think it’s one of the best marriage tools out there. I just love having my own Colby information. My husband, Todd, has his Colby information. It’s also a very good parenting tool, as is the love languages book. So those are the first two, because Colby does not identify personality.

[06:48] And we could argue personality does change or it doesn’t change or it’s not even a thing, depending on who you talk to. Nevertheless, us human beings do tend to have personalities on display. And so I think getting our arms wrapped around personality is helpful as well. And again, Colby does not identify that. So I have book number three, which is Discover Your Strengths, which is the strengths finders research done by the Donald Clifton is the author by the Gallup Research Organization. And inside each of those books is a code where you can do your strengths, finders profile and get your strengths information. And then the fourth book is The Treasure Tree, which is a children’s book, actually.

[07:38] But it’s a great little read, super helpful around the area of personality and so, so beneficial in a marriage because opposites often do attract. And the really all three of those and even the love language is one, you know, you may end up with an opposite love language than your spouse. Holy cow. Just having words around these areas of us as human beings. So, so helpful. And then the fifth book is a real, what do we say, outlier? You know, it’s a quiet one. It’s one that most people probably would have never heard of. And it’s called My First 300 Babies. My First 300 Babies. I’ve never heard of that either. Well, it is a book about raising a child, particularly a baby. And it was written in the 50s by a lady that was a baby nurse whereby she would.

[08:34] And this is in the United States. She would go into people’s homes and help them get their baby on a schedule. And she helped 300 different families. Well, more than that. But in the book, hence the title, she helped 300 families deal with getting a baby introduced into the world of schedules and eating and sleeping and feeding and not and et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. So it’s a fabulous book. And clearly, you know, people are not always ready for that. My daughter swears she’s not going to have kids for quite some long time, as an example. But still, it is a super critical part about a marriage, obviously, because when you do bring a child into a marriage, it just shifts the landscape a tad.

[09:22] And so that’s a valuable tool. And then so those are the five books. Then there is also one game. And my favorite version of this game right now is called Our Moments. It’s probably most well known in a slightly different version, which is I think it’s called Table Talk or table conversation, something like that. You’re probably familiar with this. There’s a box of cards and you open it up and it has a question on it. And it’s a great conversation generator, especially around the dinner table or around even game night or, you know, a Saturday, rainy Saturday with the family stuck inside or what have you that just ask fun questions and really gets people to talk and share their ideas about various things.

[10:09] So in the box of these ten books, two of each of the five is also one pack of Our Moments cards to generate good conversation. Oh, I love it. OK. So I’m going to start a conversation with you. And we’re this we’re going to pretend this is like there at the reception, the microphone’s in front of you. And here it is. You’re a financial expert. So why didn’t you put a financial book inside of the basket? Isn’t that a great question? You know, my gut reaction is I didn’t think about it. I was more focused on the human beings in the relationship, even though, holy cow, is that not the truth? That one of the I think this is even statistically proven. One of the biggest reasons for marital conflict is monetary discussions,

[11:10] different values around money, you know, budget constraints, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. I’m going to say that I don’t think that book has been written yet. When you look at finances through a prosperity economics lens, which is, of course, very, very different from a lot of the typical financial things out there. I would say that your focus was on the couple. It wasn’t on you. And I think that’s what I’ve noticed for our episodes and the conversations we’ve had that it wasn’t, hey, what’s best for Kim to give? It was what’s best for the for the couple? That’s that’s what my takeaway was in that conversation. Well, thank you. I am very grateful to hear that. And it is my pleasure to give those gifts.

[11:57] And back to the five love languages, I’m not a super big gift giver. And yet, I mean, it’s a wedding, you know, of course, there’s going to be a gift and it’s an engagement sometimes, not always, which starts that whole process. And it it was so cool for me to because I will admit, if I’m going to give gifts, I do like them to be practical. And so there’s no more important thing to me than strengthening your relationship. And as we know, you and I both married for a while. It is an ongoing, sometimes daily process. And these are such foundational tools. And circling back to your laughter about how I said they could get mad at the book, you know, sometimes when you learn a little bit about yourself, it’s kind of frustrating

[12:54] and you feel like, oh, that’s not the way I want to be. You know, I want to be this way or that way. And sometimes we have to acknowledge that as human beings, we absolutely can change. And we also want to acknowledge, like to go to some of Kathy Colby’s language. Sometimes it’s not about can and can’t at all. It’s about will and won’t. And that can still be frustrating. And so there may be some frustration that the books bring up. And holy cow, I would rather have it out on the table with language to deal with it than hidden away in a closet or in somebody’s brain where they don’t have the language to deal with it. And as we know, communication solves problems. But if you don’t have language to communicate with,

[13:46] then it is very difficult to even describe the frustration that you’re feeling or the thing that you need more help with or the area that you want to focus on or want not to focus on. And so all of these books give a married couple, a engaged couple, a business quote couple. You know, we all know when you get into business with people, it is often like getting married language, tools to do a better job in the area of communication, to do a better job in letting that human being be the human being that they are and also to work in areas of growth and betterment and improving who we are as human beings. What an interesting episode. I’m grinning because I’m looking at this and I’m saying those years ago,

[14:40] I wish I would have received these five books. These they would have been so helpful because I’m a slow learner communication sometimes. And so this was extremely helpful, Kim. So thank you for sharing that today. What a joy to do. And I really encourage people to whether you’re in a long, long, long marriage or just starting a new one or just in the middle of life to enjoy these five books and the game and learn from them and get the good that is in them, because it absolutely affects every single one of us. Yes, absolutely. Now, listeners, this episode, we didn’t dive into a lot of the specifics of finances, but you can tell communication is important. And if you like this episode and this style, we would love to hear from you.

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